Rugby was ‘Once’ My Everything


I have lost it… I have lost the thing that gave me so much happiness, I have lost the element that I thought can give me everything. I have lost it. I have lost it and no matter I tried to seek it back, I’m still going to loose it.

Today, I tried to open a glimpse of what I called ‘my everything’, I tried to bring back the sweet memory of it… I just realised, that was my precious years that can’t be replaced. without knowing it, when I lost it, I also lost my writing desire. I wish I could once more be thirsty of it, by the words and all the grasp of victory and satisfaction that I no longer feel nor taste.

Here’s something that I wrote around 3 years ago, yet it feels like a long time ago.

Rugby is Everything

I like uniqueness, queer, something different, unusual (well you got my point). Here I want to talk about thing that I love the most and it is rugby. Some people say that rugby is an addiction sport, some people say that it is a dangerous sport and other people just don’t give a damn about it. Well for me, now rugby is everything. Many people think rugby is a guy’s sport, because it’s too rough for girls, but to me it’s exciting, it rushes my adrenaline, it makes my heart beat faster every second. I always feel like a lil’ kid who has nothing to do, but having fun when I play rugby. Do you know the sensation that I always feel when I touch the rugby ball? it’s fascinating to feel the oval shape under my finger. And I really like it when I have to swing it, or spin it to pass it to my friend and one of my favorite is to run with it, when I have to hold the ball tightly so close to me like it is the most vulnerable thing in the world and I have to avoid my enemies in front of me, I really connect with my legs, I can feel it moving taking me and the ball with it, I even like to charge my enemies (brutal), I just really like everything about rugby. I don’t even care that rugby gives me more scratches or bruises on my legs, my arms and other parts of my body, while people just looking at me like I’ve turned into a horrible thing. But I like what one of my friends told me, she likes to see me playing or even telling story about it, cause this is what they called passion, at least that’s what she told me.

I like to call this as a rugby fever, well I don’t mind to have it, cause only good feelings that I’ve got for having this fever. I’m not alone in this, many people shared the same feeling as I am, but of course most of them are guys. There are two other girls just like me, we became so close now and it’s all because of this thing that I’ve been fussing about. We can talk for hours just to talk about rugby, even if one of us keep repeating the same story, we never get bore about it, we just don’t mind. We do everything to play rugby, even if we have to arrive home in the middle of the night and we have to wake early for the next morning to go to school, or even we have to quarrel with our parents, again, we just don’t mind. Because of rugby I have more experience and I meet a bunch of new people that have different personalities every each one of them. And of course one of them is our coach, he’s probably the one who transmit this ‘so called’ fever to me and my two other friends. Well he taught a lot of things to us and he is the one who bring us to practice along with one of the rugby team that I adore so much, this rugby team called Jakarta Banteng Rugby. Yeah, this team is the team with that bunch of people I was talking about, the new people I’ve met. Well I can’t really explain every each one of them, but one thing I can tell about them is: they are a lot of fun. It is an honor for the three of us to join the practice and what’s more is there are no girls in Banteng. But I have my own problem, I’m going to be a 12th grader, it means I’m going to be busy for studying for the national exam and university, so I have to divide my time between rugby and studying. And now we sort of struggling (well not that extreme) to find more participants for the girls team and trying to reset all the people thought about rugby for girls. Well wish us luck… ūüôā


From Kebaya to Kilt

Yes, the day had finally come… The graduation day, the final wrap of our high school life. We¬†are glad that none of ¬†us needed to be neglected, we are all have been graduated by now. One of the great things we got to do was wearing our traditional clothing and it¬†was kebaya. Even though the ‘bustie’ (the thing that looks like a tight tube we wear to prevent our stomachs from peeping out) crushed my ribs and gave a hard time for half of the day, I still proud to wear it and for our own comfort, we don’t always have to wear ‘bustie’ when we wear kebaya, but ‘bustie’ is also a good stuff, because it helps us to always sit up straight, it is actually good for our backbone. Kebaya have more then one type, but the one we were wearing in the picture is called ‘brokat’, there’s one too called ‘encim’… So the day went by and I had to leave as fast as I could, because me and my dad had planned to go to the Jakarta Highland Gathering 2011 afterwards, so I went home, cleaned up myself, putted on my own costume for the occasion and rushed to Karawaci.

As I got there, most of the great shows had through, so i just got a glimpse of it, but it was still fun though. To be honest, I really love kilts, it’s so cool and¬†Scottish, I have planned to buy it for next year, so I can be more absorb in the atmosphere. ¬†I went to the event the year before, I went for it this year and absolutely will come next year…. What a day, what a day, it was so tiring and exciting, my day was filled with great cultures indeed.

No End

We were sweating all over under the sun. We kept wiping our face with the small towel. The place we chose was¬†satisfying, just like we imagined it would be. It’s perfect.

The place was at Arthayasa Stable, Jakarta. We went there to have a photo shoot for our the end of high school year book. My classmates chose this place. We were separate into groups and each group could decide their own theme. My group consisted of 5 people, 3 boys and 2 girls including me, we picked retro as our theme, because it was somehow epic, plus one of the guys in our group owned a vintage yellow Volkswagen Beattle, it suited our theme perfectly.

My group got the first photo shoot and we surely did take a while to call it as a wrap. We were making so much delay to the other groups. The photographers were our own schoolmates because they don’t have to be paid and they are all great photographers almost professionals, at least that’s what we think of them, but seriously they are great. For further information, the photos on this page aren’t theirs, the photos were all captured by my iphone, that’s why it’s not ‘that’ good. It seems we don’t get enough of ourselves, so after we got our session, some of us made another by ourselves, just for fun.

This one is from another group, they pretended to be equestrians for the photo shoot… Well, actually the guy on the left side is a real equestrians, the stable was actually his idea, the place he used to train.

This pretty girl is one of my closest best friends, we’ve spent 6 years together in the same school. She is the most creative person I’ve ever met, she can changes anything into something. She also great for being a master of ceremonies (MC). She has the ability to solve problems, many people share things to her, because she usually find the way out to whatever they’ve been through. What so great about her, she is a tough woman, the place where I lean on most ¬†of the time. I’m proud for being her best friend.

I’m going to miss high school with my guts, sure I’ve been through so many tiring, stressing, horrible, upsetting things, but I’ve crossed it together with all of my friends, we’ve helped each other through thick and thin until we’ve reach our goal. Of course we had our sweet, happy, beautiful moments too, lots of it. We may have made it to the end of the high school, but there’s no end to the friendship we’ve built…

B 2514 BB

Every morning I laid my head on her lap, with my one ear pressed to her stomach, I could hear her stomach grumbled, while my other ear was listening to the sounds outside the car. I bended my legs, so I could fit between my mother and my brother. My dad sat next to our driver, read his newspaper and remained silent. I closed my eyes, trying to let myself to fall asleep. I wondered why my mother’s stomach always grumbled so loud, but that sound simply made me fell into a deep sleep and started to enter a serene state of dream until she woke me up and told me that we already arrived at my school.


He cried… He cried again. I never hit him, pinched him, kicked him or did any other things physically involved, I know what I did to him, I’ve always known, mentally I hurt him. He was only being a good brother to me, he didn’t want to fight back, he never did, even though he could, if he wanted to. He was far more bigger than I was, he could hit me to shut off my mouth for being such a horrible little sister, but again, he didn’t do it, because he didn’t want to hurt me even a bit. I was a bully back then to my brother, even when he started to cry and sat silently in the car next to our driver, I just sat on the back of the car with folded arms acting so tough… As the time goes by, my brother started to find his own way to cope with my behavior, he started to ignore me everytime I tried to torture him, for the result he had been succeeded, causing me to swallow my own bullet and just like that, the triumph was on his side along with my tears running down my face.


I touched the surface and peeled the skin, made my hand smelled tangy. When I finished, I put the orange one by one into my mouth, the water splashed as my teeth sunk in it. It was then flowing down to my throat, but the sour sweet taste stayed in my mouth. I like orange so much, specially when the sun blazing through. Even though I was in the car with air conditioner, I was sure I could feel the heat from the outside, that’s why I ate my oranges. When I was a kid I always do that and I can never enjoy them alone, so I offered it to my loyal driver, I couldn’t help myself to think him as the part of our family, he has been working for us around 13 years now. He was already an old man with wrinkly skin when he started to work for the first time. My driver may looks like an old man, but he owns the street in Jakarta, nobody wants to mess with him, they respect him.

Have anyone noticed that all of the stories above involve the same thing? It’s my car, my green Corona car that always take me everywhere for years. I have so many memories in it, but I have to let it go now, on the last day of high school, as if to sell my lovely green car is the first step to start my new life. ¬†It’s so old, the inside skin started to flake off, the fill of the driver car seats has already exposed, the air conditioner doesn’t work properly anymore, the buttons to lock and unlock the car automatically are useless, the steer is far from smooth and so much trouble is going on in that car, but I love it, I have spent most of my life sitting on the back of the car in the traffic of Jakarta. Sometimes I slept, sang, ate, drank, open the barrier between the back of the car seat area and the car trunk, bullied my brother ¬†and did many weird things in that car. I’m going to miss my green baby so much, the memories will remain forever of all the things, the tragedies and the people that ever breath in it…

Run and Shoot

On one weekend morning I went to the Ragunan¬†Zoo with my dad because of¬†his hobby.¬†If you think¬†his hobby¬†is playing in the zoo or anything¬†close of being an animal lover, you’re wrong. What he loves to do is to capture¬†some moments and if you think it’s photography, well this time you’re right.¬†My father usually¬†spare his weekend morning wandering around Jakarta to shoot some scenery with his precious camera, so with no doubt he will attend on every intereseting event he can possibly¬†encouters.¬†I, on the other hand loves to write and have some adventures, so I¬†came with him to the event, it’s called Jakarta Run Series 2011¬†that held at the Ragunan Zoo. Weeks earlier, I’m supposed to registrate myself on the 5K race, since I like to run, but I¬†didn’t do it because of¬†some reasons, but that doesn’t stop me from coming. I wanted to shoot some photos too (at least it¬†made me looked like I had things to do), but I don’t have the proper camera like the one my dad has,¬†I can¬†always borrow my brother’s, but unfortunately¬†on that day¬†he used it for his Bandung trip. My dad told me I could use my point and shoot camera or as I called: pocket camera. My dad call it that way to make mine¬†can be¬†as cool as his, I brought it with me anyway, so I prepared all my gear¬†and ready to shoot.

One of the interesting part to come on the running event is to see the crowd. They came from everywhere, wearing so many colorful shirts, people with differents ages. Honestly, I envy most the female runners who have lean bodies and long legs, not that I’m not thankful enough for having¬†less than 155 cm height¬†because it gives me some advantages too,¬†but sometimes I just can’t see what’s going on, literally, other than that I’m totally fine with it.¬†¬†There was also fun run going on back then with 2.5 Km distance and kids race, yes, there were so many cute kids, jumping and running around.

I’m so proud of myself because I was able to capture these 2 pictures above with a point and shoot camera.

Almost forgot, the reason why this event called Jakarta Race Series is because it was a series of running event. There were 4 of them and it is an every year event.

Good Morning

It has been awhile since I wrote my blog and I think it’s not good at all. Trust me, I have missed it so bad, so this morning I decided to post whatever I saw when I first opened my eyes in my bed.

It’s my window, very comforting it is.¬† The sunshine just managed to strike through it and simply did its work to wake me gently from my deep sleep. I opened my eyes and stayed, didn’t make any sudden move, afraid I would scared the peacefulness at my surroundings. I just laid there, grateful to be where I was and saw the shade of the trees and the twirling shape of my window barrier on my curtains. Then I stretched myself slowly and opened my curtains and somehow excited to see what has laid behind it, and it’s strange considering I always do the same thing everyday, yet I’m still thrilled to do it.

The sunlight was flooding without warning into my room. The grass and the trees looked so green with the golden touched – again, from the sun . They are all greeted me, I felt like I was in some kind of fairytale. Suddenly my excitement was overflow, it made me jumped off¬† my bed and started to twirl myself in my room (true story, I don’t make this stuff up).

I stopped after awhile and saw my bookless bookcase. I emptied the bookcase from all of my school books right after I got home from my school on the very last day of the national exam. It was really great, it felt like all my burdens had been lifted and it’s almost a month now I’ve been living without studying and with no school to attend. I rearranged my bookcase and put all my collection of things in a better look. My favorite are the rugby stuffs. I meant to collect rugby balls in all kind of sizes, but instead I’ve got the Australian rules football miniature and the American football ball from my best friends, because they couldn’t find rugby ball in the short amount of time, but surely I love it. Afterward I hopped my way out from my room and started to eat my breakfast, a nice nutritious one. What a great morning it was, I’m sure the rest of the day will be as good as the second I woke up, plus at the end of the day I’m going to go for rugby training, the think of it has already soothed me. Hope the nicest things happen to everyone. Have a nice day.

View From The Taxi Window

It was just another ordinary day, which I can’t remember when and I just got home from school by Blue Bird Taxi and suddenly the taxi had a difficulty to move making my ‘suppose’ to be half an hour ride into one and a half hour ride. No wonder it happened cause small flood was what happening outside the car. Well, we can never predict the traffic when it comes to Jakarta.

Free Spirit

I’m a girl with so many things to dream of, too much of things I guess, but from all of that, what I really want to do right now, this very second is laying on the high rooftop with my back press against the roof ground and let my eyes see the wonder of the night sky. Imagine all the eyes, the billion or maybe the infinite eyes of the sky sparkle and wink at me for a thousand times and lure me into the whole new world that I’ve been dreaming of. Better yet, I can lay down on the nature itself, feel the grass beneath me, the cool night air against my skin and hear the sound of the living creatures around me and somehow make myself unite with the surroundings and just flow with the wind. I am no saint, but I do want my heart to be purified, to feel nothing, but happiness and there’s no such words as sorrow, gloom, sadness, hatred, specially hatred in my heart. What’s with all of the people who like to mind other people business and proclaim ‘war’ between their selves. Why can’t they live in peace and live happily ever after, just like the thought of every human kids used to think? why can’t we think as an ignorant kid anymore, where the world only felt like an enormous play ground and everything that lay beyond us was nothing but exciting path to walk on? I don’t really know the answer, but maybe it’s because of the basic nature of the human being who really like a bit or so many violence to be added to their life. Aren’t those people think about others, about the effect that they bring out to the world. I am not naive, I know the world is cruel, it’s no secret anymore, everyone who ‘declared’ as a grown up¬† knows, but I also know that there are still so much kindness out there.

My brother once said that I am a free spirit, I have a different way of thinking through stuffs, sometimes I used to over think unimportant problem and it’s really bad for me. I really want to be free, to travel all over the world and crack all the mysteries of each places and I want to write everyday, every night before I sleep about my awesome adventure that I live on. Somehow I feel trap right now, I don’t really know what to do, I’m going to face final exams in days count, but I can’t seem to hold myself. I used to be a girl with high scores in every subject, I had to or I might cracked up, but now I’m no longer that hideous girl, I know what I want and what I want have nothing much to do with hard subjects, math or whatever I have studied in high school, like I said, I want to be free, but I also want to be remembered in positive ways. I gotta admit it, it’s really hard to always argue and fighting with myself between what I want and what I need, I know my priorities, but other side of me likes to deny it and try to break free, to just do all the fun stuffs. So what I really do right now is thinking I’m going to get out of this misery in less than two months, with that, I’m going to make the best out of me, be that hideous girl for a little while longer to make great, better yet legendary high scores on my high school certificate, because like it or not she is still the part of me, the part of me that loves perfection, so I’m not going to let myself down.¬† After I finished all of that I’m going to do all my crazy to do list and do all the things I feel important as I scheduled. But can someone help me somehow to take me somewhere to see the stars just for a night, so I can think clearly and find myself drown in the universe… Any idea where can I find that place?

Tick Tock

Here’s something that I wrote this morning when time suddenly did something that it doesn’t usually do, it was actually slowing down for awhile. Enjoy…

I am sitting in the class room and writing this blog on my question sheet. I’m bored and so are the rest of the class. Everybody has finished early, but we cannot get out from the class yet, we need to wait until the bell rings. From my point of view (literally), all the students in my class room seem really smart, what I see from my seat, which is from the back corner of the room are heads glued on the table with eyes shut close with their blank faces, dream about something that no one knows. I tried to do that too, but it just wouldn’t work, specially because I have this annoying toothache that I’ve got-not because of my lack of neatness, but because of my frequently, too often about how many times I brush my teeth every day. Hmm on holiday I usually brush my teeth every time I got a bite of any food, but it turns out that my teeth are very sensitive, so I think the chemicals in the toothpaste made a hole or holes on my tooth. The truth is, I don’t know exactly what the cause of the pain came from, I just haven’t got enough time to take myself to the dentist, I’m too busy studying (I wish, or so what I thought). But I didn’t lie about brushing my teeth all the times. From all of that, I’m going to make sure that this evening I’m going to the dentist because the pain is starting to feel unbearably painful.

Anyway, back to the class. The reason why all my class mates fall asleep is maybe because the subject of the try out test that we do is English, but wait… Sometimes we also finished math, physics, biology and chemistry in a small amount of times, but it’s all because of a completely different reason as when we do English test, it’s because our level of understanding in the subjects are the opposite from what we understand (I’m sure enough) in English, so instead of making meaningless scrap on the paper, some of the students prefer to answer it fast without thinking, specially because most of the time the try out test are multiple choice tests. O yea, I forgot to tell you that now we’re doing a try out for the final exam, given by the government. The final exam is going to be held on April, which I know, the time will be sprinting in front of my eyes and turned all the moment into dust, just like it has done to my half or maybe quarter of my youth (since I’m still in the process of growing up, actually everybody does). We are all growing up right, because everyday we are learning something new and interesting, that’s why everything means a lot. Every second of our life are important…

Hugs and Kisses For My XOXO

Ramadhan is a very special month, yes, we don’t eat in day light. We pray and doing good deeds, so our fasting won’t be worthless. Do you know what’s more special in Ramadhan? We all like to gather with friends, the old and the new one, family, the closest to the farthest, even strangers for break fasting. It sort of reunion, yea something like that. It’s exciting, even though it makes my wallet getting more and more thinner. So my lovely 9 best friends came up with this bright idea: We were going to held break fasting event in Adhinka’s house by bringing foods every each one of us, it means there would be 10 different foods, right? hmm imagine it. We had been waiting for the last two weeks, or maybe more weeks for our special event.

In the morning on the 3rd of August I woke with a big smile on my face, but remembering that I was going to do Try Out in my ‘bimbel’ it pissed me off a lil’ bit. I did the Try-Out with my other friends, then we went to Arum’s house to take the pudding for our later break fasting. There, we played with her cat named Lady, which look like her master LOL, joking rum, love you. After that We went to my house using Kiky’s car. From my house we took ‘Kerang Ijo Saos Padang’ for one of our main course made by Kak Virta. It was a very big amount of it, she cooked it for us until 3 kg of kerang ijo. After that, we continued the journey to Kiky’s house, but before that, we picked up Kiky’s sister from her english course first, and the road was starting to full up with vehicles, that suddenly made me a little nausea. Anyway, in Kiky’s house we didn’t do lot of things, we just pray, cause we really had to hurry.

On the way to Adhinka’s house there had been an enormous annoying traffic jam, and our stomachs started growling specially with foods on our laps, and unfortunately it was almost time to break fasting, but thankfully Kiky already prepared to bring drinks, so I had been saved. After quite a long time we finally arrived. Besides us, Dania and Tasya already came. They both were watching the ‘Homecoming surprise mix’ video that I already posted in the my last post and yea same thing happen to Tasya, she burst into tears too just like me. Then there was something that really caught my eyes, there were cats. 4 Cats, 4 adorable Cats!!!

See, believe me? and no they’re not on sale, they’re Adhinka’s. I tried to put them in my bag once, but I failed. Ok not long after the three of us arrived, Hanina, Dinda and Kaka went in to Adhinka’s door and Hanina actually drive her car by herself, it’s actually normal considering what age we’re in. She already has her driving license anyway, but still it’s cool. It was already the 9 of us in Adhinka’s house, but we still waited for our lovely Terry to come. When we waited for her we were circling Adhinka’s dining table, looking at the foods ready to lay hands to any food within our reached, then Terry finally arrived. Clanging sound from the plates, spoon, forks and other things that I have no idea what, was filling the dining room. Our laughter was also carry to our ears, I really like the sound of it. Then we started eating in the living room sitting on the carpet and get too comfortable. After that we’re all spending time sharing stories that made us wanted to laugh our heart out. It was a good time, and suddenly when we wanted to take a picture, Kaka screamed terry’s name over and over again, with her abstract face and men liked voice that made us burst into another hard laugh, it was adhinka’s cat that Teyi held beside Kaka that made her screamed like that, she doesn’t like cats, she really hade it and when she did that hilarious thing, she actually made Tasya jumped from her sit beside her and laughing uncontrollably across the room.¬† O yea there’s this pillows that showed Adhinka’s old times photo that made us laugh again, even though we had seen it before, but it will never wears off, we forced her to take a picture just like on the pillow, with her handling it.

Cute aye? hahaha (no offense Dhin). You’re beautiful honey.

Then Hanina made us hearing horror story from prambors website called Vivienne and made Dinda freak out and going crazy every time Teyi scared her. Dinda actually ran off living Dhinka alone after Dhinka said that it was a little scary cause the room was dark. I have no idea what was inside the child’s brain.

We moved to Adhinka’s room upstairs while Adhinka’s family using the living room to Taraweh. In Adhinka’s room we settled ourselves on her bed, while Dania and Hanina taking lot of pictures of themselves. After a while, we started to share our stories again, this time the stories was a lil’ bit sad. I guess that’s what friends are for, to be there whenever you needed them, we give advise, we calm our friends, we hug each other, giving support and of course we listen, but there’s one thing confused me in that moment, I still have no idea what Hanina actually doing??? LOL, see the picture!


In the end we shared funny stories again, the stories about the acts of our brothers and sisters. Time went so fast, again, every fun things that we enjoy to do must have been passed so fast, I wish I can stay a little while longer with them, but I had to get going, so I went home. Hanina went home too with Arum accompanied her. There it goes another beautiful day in my life and the best of all was: we were all there, it’s seldom happen, cause usually one of us just couldn’t come to one of our events, because she had been busy doing other stuffs, well sadly most of the time it was me, I’m sorry Viviennes you know I love you guys so badly. <img class=”alignright size-medium wp-image-101″ title=”